A First-Timer Guide to Anal Sex – How to Prepare

Anal sex is a rising trend that is still taboo to talk about: Even though anal has soared in popularity in recent years, it’s usually only discussed behind closed doors. However, it’s clear that people are getting more and more curious about – and experimenting with – “backdoor sex”. Anal sex is one of the top categories on porn sites; the market is regularly flooded with new anal sex toys and lubes, and anal sex is becoming more popular with women too. So, there are lots of anal virgins who are about to embark on their journey of anal exploration – and many of them might be feeling a little unsure about things.

Some might not know where to start or how to prepare, while others will be put off by misinformation and prejudices that might prevent them from exploring anal sex altogether. But anal sex can be enjoyed by everybody, regardless of gender, age, sexual orientation, or identity. If you want to start experimenting with anal sex, read on for our first-timer tips for a fun, pain-free experience.

• Definition – what is anal sex?
• How do I prepare for anal sex?
• How to clean yourself – using an anal douche
• Stretching
• Talk it out – communication is key
• The best positions for anal sex
• The right lubricant for anal sex
• Your anal sex checklist

Definition – what is anal sex?

Anal sex usually refers to a sex act in which one of the partners penetrates the other partner’s anus with their penis, which stimulates the area around the anus. In anal sex, there’s always an active and a passive partner; the active partner is the one penetrating the passive partner’s anus. However, the penetrating object doesn’t always have to be a penis. There are lots of different ways to explore anal sex to suit your own unique preferences. You can also use a finger or a specially designed anal sex toy for stimulation. It doesn’t matter who’s having anal sex; both men and women have erogenous zones around the anus.

How do I prepare for anal sex?

Many people presume that anal sex will be painful, so the idea of penetration never crosses their mind. The area around the anus is very sensitive, and the anus itself normally remains closed in order to fulfill its biological function. However, the sphincter muscles that create such a tight seal are also very stretchy, which means that – with the right preparation – you can enjoy completely pain-free anal sex, even if it’s your first time.

When preparing for anal sex, there are two things you need to consider: hygiene and stretching. As the anus will be at the center of all the action, it’s important to make sure that there’s no poop left inside – and visiting the bathroom isn’t always enough. Using an anal douche will help make sure you’re completely clean. Check out this post to learn more about what you need to look out for when choosing an anal douche. Once you’ve found the perfect douche for you, read on for our step-by-step instructions on how to use it effectively.

How to clean yourself – using an anal douche

1. Fill the douche with water
   Unscrew the nozzle from the bulb and fill the bulb with a little lukewarm water.
   
2. Bowel movement and cleaning
   Try to go to the bathroom first and then clean the anus externally.
   
3. Apply lubricant
   Apply some water-based lubricant to the tip of the nozzle.
   
4. Insert the tip
   Get into a squat position and gently insert the tip of the anal douche 1–2 cm into the anus. This is far enough to allow the water to pass into the rectum.
   
5. Transfer the water
   Squeeze the ball to transfer up to a third of the water into the rectum.
   
6. Wait
   Wait 1 to 3 minutes; engage in some gentle movement while you wait.
   
7. Expel the water
   Expel the water from your anus into the toilet.

Repeat this process a few times. Your anus is now clean and ready for the next important step.

Stretching

When it comes to preparing for anal sex, there are only really three things that a beginner can do wrong: One of these things is cleaning (which we’ve already discussed), and the others are not using enough lube (we’ll get to that), and not stretching the anus in advance. Stretching the anus is an important part of the process of preparing for anal sex – especially if it’s your first time – as it helps you get used to the feeling of being penetrated by a penis or sex toy. If you’re impatient or too rough, the experience can quickly become painful. So, to make sure your anal adventure is pain-free, you’ll need to stretch properly – and that means using sufficient amounts of lube and giving yourself plenty of time to relax into the process.

The purpose of stretching is to get your anus and sphincter muscles used to the sensation of penetration and the size/diameter of a penis or sex toy. It’s entirely up to you whether you use your finger or a sex toy for stretching. Make sure you’re in a quiet place where you feel comfortable enough to relax.

Then apply a generous amount of lube to your finger or the sex toy and gently massage your anus; that’s all there is to it. There’s one other important thing to remember: If you’re using an anal sex toy, make sure you opt for a water-based lubricant or our specially developed pjur TOY Lube. Silicone-based lubricants can sometimes damage the silicone surfaces of sex toys. However, if you’re using your finger for stretching purposes, feel free to use either silicone-based or water-based lube.

As you massage, try to gently insert the tip of your finger. Be very careful; the sensation can feel strange at first, but there shouldn’t be any pain. Listen to your body, as it will tell you when you’ve gone far enough. Once you’ve managed to insert one finger, you can experiment with two, three, or more. Don’t forget to add more lube each time. If you feel a burning sensation at any point, take that as your sign to use more.

You can buy kits that have been specially designed for stretching purposes, with anal plugs or dildos in a range of different sizes so that you can work your way up as you explore.

Oh, and here’s another top-secret tip for you: If you’re still having problems with stretching even though you’ve allowed yourself plenty of time to relax and you’ve used plenty of lube, try pjur analyse me! Spray. This relaxation spray penetrates the top layer of skin and supports the elasticity of your skin. If the process is still taking too long with the spray, you can also try our pjur analyse me! Serum, which forms an invisible protective film on the skin that reduces sensitivity in the anal area without numbing. Give it a go! 😊

Talk it out – communication is key

After all that prep, you’re probably feeling quite excited – because you’re now ready to try anal for the first time. If you’re feeling nervous, don’t be; there’s nothing to be scared of! 😊 You’ve followed all our tips and prepared thoroughly, so there’s no reason for it not to work out. The next step is to talk to your partner, regardless of whether you’re taking the active or passive role. It’s important to understand each other’s expectations, desires, and any no-gos; after all, you should both feel 100% comfortable and safe throughout the experience. So take some time for an in-depth discussion! For your first time, choose a location where you won’t be disturbed. Dim the lights a little to create a calming, relaxing atmosphere – but make sure you can both still see where the lube is! We’re often asked whether you should use a condom for anal sex. We strongly recommend that you do: A condom will not only protect you against sexually transmitted diseases, but will also reduce the risk of painful urinary tract infections. If the passive partner is female, the condom also provides protection against pregnancy by preventing sperm from entering the vagina when the penis is pulled out of the anus after orgasm.

The best positions for anal sex

There are lots of different positions that are well-suited to backdoor penetration, but for a first-timer, it’s best to keep things simple and pick a position that you find easy and comfortable. The most popular sex positions for anal sex beginners are:

• Spooning
  The active partner lies on their side behind the passive partner and penetrates from behind. This works really well because both partners can relax and no-one needs to hold a physically demanding position.
• Doggy style
  The passive partner is on their hands and knees while the active partner penetrates from behind. This is the classic anal sex position.
• Bottom up
  The passive partner lies on the front with a pillow under their pelvis to provide better access. This is another position that helps you feel more relaxed.
• Standing
  A tip for men: Try anal sex standing up. This position makes it easier for the active partner to reach and stimulate the prostate – resulting in an unforgettable orgasm for the passive partner.

The right lubricant for anal sex

Lube is an absolute must for anal play. The anus has no natural lubrication of its own, so having lubricant to hand is essential. If you think you’ll be able to manage with saliva, think again; spit really doesn’t perform well as a lubricant and it dries up very quickly. A good lubricant is the key to smooth and successful anal sex. Choose a high-quality product that provides effective, long-lasting lubrication and that is compatible with condoms. Opting for a certified lubricant is the best way to guarantee safety. Certified lubes – which are classed as medical devices – have a MD symbol on the label.

If you’re using an anal sex toy for stimulation, or if you want a lubricant that cares for the skin around your anus, we recommend pjur analyse me! Moisturising or pjur BACK DOOR Regenerating. These water-based lubricants are designed for maximum fun and pleasure, and to keep things exciting, you can use them with sex toys too.

If you prefer to use a silicone-based lubricant, the best option for beginners is pjur analyse me! Relaxing. This lube is formulated with jojoba and provides long-lasting lubrication, making it ideal for comfortable anal sex.

Your anal sex checklist

So, that’s everything you need to know about anal sex as a beginner. Run through our checklist to make sure you’ve covered all bases before your first time:

• You and your partner have discussed your desires, ideas, and no-gos for anal sex.
• The passive partner has taken care of the hygiene preparations.
• The passive partner has completed stretching exercises.
• You’ve chosen a relaxing location where you won’t be disturbed.
• You’ve got a suitable lubricant to hand.
• You’ve got plenty of time.

Check out our TikTok channel, where we’ll be busting myths and challenging prejudices about anal sex throughout Anal August.

Image sources: shutterstock_1525135058 ; shutterstock_1476574385 ; shutterstock_697021816