50 Shades of Grey in the Bedroom – How BDSM Works in Real Life

Have you read or watched Fifty Shades of Grey and wondered what BDSM is all about? Then you’re in the right place! We don’t think BDSM should be a taboo, so here we explain what those letters mean and what types of play are out there.

BDSM: four letters, six words

BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism, and Masochism. It covers a range of consensual practices that involve surrendering power and physical or emotional stimulation, and can include anything from bondage through role play. To find out more about the principles of BDSM, have a look at our blog and dive even deeper into the world of BDSM. 

If you’re new to the BDSM scene and want to try something different, we’ve got what you’re looking for. Follow these tips and rules to start the adventure in your bedroom.

Brief history of BDSM: sadomasochistic practices have a long history. The leather scene gradually appeared from the middle of the 20^th century and began to identify itself as a community from the 1970s. Nobody knows how many people actually practice BDSM and fantasize about it; according to past studies, this could be anything from 2 through 62% of the population. BDSM images and scenes have existed on the fringe of western culture since the early 20^th century.

BDSM for beginners: rules to get you started in the world of SM games

• Discuss your fantasies and desires with your partner. You need to openly say what you want!
• Trust is critical – you need to respect your partner’s limits.
• Be open: submissive men are not weak, dominant women are not demanding.
• Go slow and take the time to explore your preferences and desires fully.
• Decide on a safe word that your partner can say if things have gone too far. (Little tip: ouch is not a good safe word 😊)

Important words in SM

You already know the word sadomasochism, SM for short, from our blog. It’s actually two words combined: sadism and masochism. SM is a sexual practice which focuses on pain, dominance, submission, humiliation, and power. The difference here is that physical pain is centerstage, as opposed to the psychological elements of a power relationship. In sadomasochism, pain is experienced and eroticized consensually, completely voluntarily.

SM has its own language. Here are just some of the words you need to know:

Sub = Bottom, the submissive partner, who voluntarily surrenders elements of self-determination during a session to experience an increase in pleasure

Dom = dominant partner, who gets excited and aroused by controlling and having power over the sub

Submissive = submissive/subservient behavior, the opposite of dominant

Top = the opposite to the bottom. Refers to the person who calls the shots in sex

Have you heard the words Domina and Dominus, but not understood what they meant? Here’s our guide explaining the role of a Domina or Dominus.

So, what does a Domina or Dominus do?

Did you know: in the past, the Dominus was the man of the house, while the Domina was his wife, the woman of the house – both had a say in the family and household. The BDSM scene adopted these words to describe the dominant partner to reflect this traditional power structure.

Today, a Domina is often addressed using titles such as Lord, Goddess, Mistress, or Lady. They can perform both professionally and privately, and have different tasks. The role of Domina or Dominus tends to vary from one person to the next, depending on the preferences and limits of the people involved in the play. For example, they can dictate the use of verbal humiliation, physical punishment, bondage, or other practices as part of an agreed code of behavior. A Domina or Dominus enjoys including different gadgets or toys in sex play.

Sex toys are no longer taboo: they come up in conversation among friends, and more and more people go to sex toy parties. Yet despite this growing popularity, very few people are aware of BDSM toys. But we’re going to change that right now. We’ve examined the toys in detail, and found some that could really spice things up in the bedroom.

What are the most popular BDSM gadgets?

A Domina/Dominus is keen to use a toy to stimulate their sub. There is a wide range of toys out there for BDSM fans – which can make it hard to choose. We’ve found something for both beginners and long-standing BDSMers. Here are five popular toys to start you off on your thrilling adventure.

1. Handcuffs and shackles

These are perfect for anyone just starting out. They are used to control and direct your partner. The combination of handcuffs and blindfold can be particularly arousing, making sure your partner is fully concentrating on you.

2. Feather tickler

BDSM is not just about sensually tormenting the other person. You can alternate between punishment and reward. And a feather tickler is the perfect way to reward your partner.

3. Woollen ropes

These are classic bondage toys. You can use them as handcuffs, stimulate different parts of the body with knots, or use them to tie your partner to the bed. There are different tying techniques to try, just make sure that the rope is flexible and elastic.

For those of you with a bit more experience, we have two more popular toys that are frequently used in the BDSM scene. They are aimed at those who have already given BDSM a go and feel confident with it and their partner.

4. Flogger and whip

The whip is the opposite to a feather tickler. This toy is perfect for punishing your partner, which is why it’s so popular. Floggers are used widely as they have several thongs, so you can use them to cause different levels of pain.

5. Pinwheel

This toy guarantees thrills! It stimulates the nerves when you run it over the skin. It can even cause pain, depending on how hard you press on the skin. But as you know: pain and pleasure are two sides of the same coin 😊.

Another big element of the BDSM scene is vinyl and leather clothing. Both the Dom and the sub can slip into vinyl and leather. There are no limits to your fantasies: from full-body suits through underwear or masks, there’s something for everyone.

People often ask: How do I clean it and how does it stay so lovely and shiny? We’ve got what you need, because pjur also has suitable products for fetish lovers.

Shibari – THE hottest trend in the BDSM scene

Have you heard about THE hottest trend? It comes from Japan and is called Shibari, which means “binding.” It involves sexual binding, where a person is tied up in complicated patterns. The knots and the way the tendons are stretched by suspending the tied-up person (or bunny) stimulates different parts of the body and increases desire. Several lengths of thin rope, around six millimeters thick and seven to eight meters long, are used.

Curious? There are special workshops offered online now, or you can look up the technique on YouTube. But take care! Shibari is not for beginners, as it can lead to severe injuries. It requires very special techniques, and you need to fully master them before giving it a go to ensure you don’t cause serious injuries to anyone.

So – Already planning your next BDSM purchase?

BDSM means something different to each of us. We think it’s important that it’s no longer taboo, and everyone can play out preferences that they share with their partner. So: talk to each other and discuss your ideas openly. If you want to try BDSM, start with small steps, and gradually venture further into this world as you become more comfortable. pjur is there for you and supports you. Because we accept all preferences and fetishes. 

#pjuristhereforyou

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