Sexual Self-Determination – Your Body, Your Rules

Your body belongs to you, which means that you’re the only one who can say what you like – or don’t like – when it comes to sex. However, lots of people still regularly overstep these kinds of personal boundaries, so we thought it would be a good idea to dedicate an article to the topic of sexual self-determination. Read on to learn what exactly sexual self-determination is and what it means for you, your body, and your sexual preferences.

• What does sexual self-determination actually mean?
• Sexual self-determination at different life stages
  • Sexual self-determination as a single person
  • What does sexual self-determination mean in a relationship?
• Your body, your rules – the many facets of sexual self-determination
• You’re responsible for your own sexual health
• See your doctor and get tested regularly to protect yourself
• You decide who you have sex with and what your sexual orientation is
• Your partner’s boundaries are just as important as your own
• Your right to guidance and information
• Unfortunately, sexual self-determination is still not a given for everyone

What does sexual self-determination actually mean?

You are the only person who can make decisions on your sexuality, because your body belongs only to you. This means that you’re the only one who can determine your sexual orientation; it also means that you can choose your own sexual partners, and decide what kind of sexual practices or sexual relationships you want to engage in. When it comes to any kind of decision involving your body, you have the right to say no in any situation. And most importantly, it means that you can – and should – defend yourself if anyone tries to overstep your boundaries in any way. In Germany, the legal age of consent for sexual activity is 14. If you’re under the age of 14, you’re considered a minor and any sexual activity with a minor is treated as abuse. In other countries, the age of consent will be different, so check what the law says in your country. However, regardless of how old you are, your body belongs to you. From a legal perspective, you can only decide whether you have sex and who you have sex with once you’ve reached 14 years of age (if you’re in Germany). This is a really important point, because you will be better placed to make important decisions for you and your body as you become more mature.

Sexual self-determination at different life stages

• Sexual self-determination as a single person

If you’re single and you want to have sex with another person, and that person wants to have sex with you, then you have every right to do so. It’s your body and you are meeting your sexual needs at that point in time through that action – which you’re perfectly entitled to do! However, if you’re single, you might be having sex with a new partner who you don’t know particularly well, especially if you’re going down the one-night stand route. You probably won’t be giving this too much thought in the heat of the moment, but your boundaries are especially important in this kind of situation, and you should communicate them to your partner. It’s also essential that you accept and comply with the boundaries communicated by your new sexual partner, because we all have the right to sexual self-determination.

• What does sexual self-determination mean in a relationship?

The concept of sexual self-determination also applies to each partner in a relationship. If you want to try out a new sex technique but your partner isn’t keen, you have to accept that. “No” means “no”, even in a relationship. You might be able to find a compromise that satisfies both of you, or find another technique that you’re both happy to try out. But the basic rule remains the same: Each individual is responsible for deciding what’s okay for them sexually and what isn’t.

Your body, your rules – the many facets of sexual self-determination

So, we’ve explored what sexual self-determination looks like at different life stages. But there are many more facets to the right to sexual self-determination:

• You’re responsible for your own sexual health: Being able to freely decide who you have sex with and how often also means that you have to be responsible and accept the fact that women may get pregnant after having sex. There’s also the risk of sexually transmitted diseases to consider. Think carefully about contraception. If you’re not in a relationship and you have sex with different people, it’s even more important to use the right contraception and protect yourself. Remember, it’s your body and your health that’s at stake – so your rules matter.
• See your doctor and get tested regularly to protect yourself: If you choose to be sexually active, then you also need to take responsibility for preventive care to protect your sexual health. See your doctor for regular checkups and find out about all the options you have for protecting yourself against sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. And remember that self-determination applies when it comes to your healthcare, too: Your doctor can only examine you with your consent. You decide which tests and examinations you want and which you’d rather decline. You can consult a doctor for advice even if you’re under 18, without your parents being informed. This right is another aspect of your sexual self-determination.
• You decide who you have sex with and what your sexual orientation is: It doesn’t matter who you love and what you like – it’s your right to choose! However, it goes without saying that the person you want to have sex or a relationship with must also feel the same way about you. You’re responsible for making decisions for yourself, your identity, and your body.
• Your partner’s boundaries are just as important as your own: Whether you’re in a relationship or living the single life, you should always respect boundaries laid down by others. Everyone has their own unique sexual identity, preferences, and ideas.
• Your right to guidance and information: A right to guidance and information is another aspect of sexual self-determination. You have the right to understand what sexual self-determination means for you. The internet is a great place to start to develop this understanding, but a doctor can also help. If you’re a bit younger, you can chat with your parent or guardian.

Unfortunately, sexual self-determination is still not a given for everyone

In many countries around the world, sexual self-determination isn’t a given for everyone. Women, for example, are often forced into marriages then oppressed by their husbands. This is why sexual self-determination is one of the main demands of lots of women’s rights movements. Discrimination against people who do not identify as heterosexual is also a global issue; parades and campaigns to mark Pride Month aim to counteract and minimize prejudice. It’s clear that sexual self-determination still needs to be on the agenda, and the topic is more important now than ever before – which is why we wanted to write this article.

Just like everyone else on the planet, you have a right to sexual self-determination. Your body belongs to you and only you. But while that brings you the right to bodily autonomy and sexual freedom, it also means that mutual consent is a must for any kind of sexual activity, and that you are responsible for all aspects of your sex life. Understand your sexuality and stand up for it, but also communicate and protect your boundaries. Because it’s your body – so that means your rules!

Image sources: pexels-cleytonewerton-4825901 ; pexels-dtanpt-773124